Holiday Party Series: Mingling

Holiday parties used to cause me severe anxiety issues. Especially those parties that involved meeting a lot of new people. I was so worried about saying the right thing, that sometimes I would just not say anything at all. It was very intimidating, as a new professional, to approach a group of strangers.

Through time and practice, however, it got much better. Looking back now I wonder why I thought those nice people were so scary and judgemental.

Here are a few tips I've collected over the years that will hopefully help you out.

Most people are friendly, so don't be nervous about approaching a circle and joining the conversation. If there's a quiet moment, when you're not interuppting someone, quickly introduce yourself and what you do. If there's a bit of awkward silence at the beginning, don't let it turn you off, it's probably just the cocktails kicking in.

People love to talk about themselves. Keep asking questions. Compliment them. (I like to remind myself of this whenever I do feel nervous about saying the right thing.) If you keep the other person talking, they'll leave that evening thinking that you were an amazing conversationalist.

Don't glue yourself to your best friend all night. We accomplish much more, and we're much happier in the long run, if we let ourselves step outside our comfort zone. Plus, you'll have something to chat about with your friend at your personal after-party.

I love this tip the most: pretend that this is your own party and that you are the host/hostess. Make believe that it's your job to work the entire room and make sure that everyone is enjoying him/herself.

Finally, remember to smile and act genuine. You'll be great!

Don't these people look like they're having fun?

Photos from Gowns.

Triumphant Return

I was down for the count for about a week there. It was seriously the most sick I remember being. But I'm back...

Image from A Quirky Girl.

Public Transit

Just after daylight savings time I decided it was just too dark to be taking Alex home on the bike. (Such a shame too because we had some wonderful November weather.)

While the bicycle kept me liberated and fit, it was like an extra workout during the day, the subway lets me catch up on some quiet reading time. Plus, I can give Alex kisses when she's on my lap before I drop her off at daycare!

Images from We Heart it.

Plus, check this cute blog: Asleep on the Subway

However, if I marry rich, we're getting this and the whole family can be self-sustaining all year round!

Holiday Party Series: What to Wear

Love them or loathe them, the holiday parties are just around the corner. (That corner that's now decked out with bows of holly.)

Last year I wrote an article about how to thrive, or at least survive, at the corporate holiday party. I would like to continue this tradition of reassuring my friends and colleagues that this can actually be an enjoyable experience.

What to wear to a holiday party can be, depending on the person, the easiest or most horrific part of the event.

Is your party a formal dinner? Or is it a cocktail party? There are some ideas be great. I really love the understated sexiness of the dresses. While the suits would be great for some power networking. If you're not sure of which option to choose - dressy or conservative - ask around first.

Top three from J Crew. Bottom two from Banana Republic.

Remember, style and fashion are two very different things. You don't need to go out an get an entirely new - not to mention expensive - outfit. Experiment with things you have and you'll find something classic and elegant on you. (There's also no shame in borrowing from a friend who is the same size as you.)

Also, I haven't forgotten the dudes. While I may not be an expert on how a gentleman should dress - I think you guys look great in anything - there are lots of resources out there. The Globe and Mail's Russell Smith usually has amazing advice on style, including this piece on 'black tie optional' events.

Finally, this goes for everyone, try to make sure that you're comfortable in whatever you're wearing. It would be a shame to miss out on some dancing if your shoes are uncomfortable or your dress is too tight. Also, you want to feel good about what you're wearing. Make sure it's you. There is nothing worse than being self conscious while you're trying to enjoy some well deserved party time.

A Balancing Act, Not a Battle: Children's Book and Children's iPads

This morning I read an article in the Globe and Mail on the evolving relationship children have with digital readers, such as iPads. A similar article was published in the New York Times about how screen time for children was at an all time high. Both pieces address the issue of interactive screens replacing the traditionally published monograph.

Of course these articles are at the nexus of an ongoing discussion among educators, librarians, publishers, venture capitalists, and parents alike. A discussion that seems to be accompanied with some alarmism among some of these groups. To all those alarmists: lets take a deep cleansing breath.

First, we must take any headline that "such-and-such is at an all time high" with a grain of salt. My issue with statistics in general is that there are so many variables to consider. Screen time is at an all time high. Of course it is. We have never been so technologically advanced as a species as we are now. There have never been so many of us as there is now. In addition to this, technology has never been as affordable or as accessible as it is now. It is highly probably that most households, almost regardless of education level or socio-economic status, will have a computer.

I also believe this is a good thing.

I do believe it's positive for parents to responsibly expose their children to technology. (This doesn't mean using a screen as a baby sitter for three hours.) It is, however, imperative that we teach our children the skills of technology at a young age. Digital literacy is an important to their education as literacy has been, and still is, to previous generations.

This being said, balance is also imperative. Parents are also responsible for not raising a generation of inactive children in a semi-vegitative state. In Sherri Turkles' Alone Together, she takes an educated and responsible look at the social and psychological dangers of immersing oneself too much in technology. On a inter-personal level, we are at risk do miss out on levels of intimacy in our relationships. On a psychological level, we have become more distracted and unable to concentrate thanks to our shiny new digital toys.

I am optimistic and hope that I will continue the balance I've found at home. Alex will become fast friends with anyone who totes around a touch screen. However, we visit our public library at least three times a week and she brings me books, one after another, to read over and over again. She is also prone to keeping me up until an ungodly hour reading Melanie Watt's Chester ad naseum.

The Globe's headline said: "for some kids a book is just an iPod that doesn't work". I think, however, with proper balance, we can keep it at just some. 

Crazy Cat People

My last post, on Haiku for the Single Girl, reminded me of this Mean Card.

Please note: I mean no offense to my cat owning friends. You are lovely and normal people. (Well, lovely people anyway.)

The inside of the card reads: "note the difference".

In high school one of my best friends, Pam, and I would discuss becoming crazy cat ladies one day. Pam, however, being a true individual, planned on becoming the "crazy bird lady". (Because anybody could be a cat lady.)

P.S. Pam married the poster boy for doting husbands in 2008. They welcomed their first baby girl into the world in September 2011. (She has not yet bought a bird.)

Haiku for the Single Girl

“I’m sorry Laura,” my colleague sympathizes with me after I finish confiding in her about some romantic woes. It is 8pm on my evening without my daughter and I am, as usual, just hanging around the office. If this isn’t bad enough to begin with, she leans forward, lowers her voice, and says, “you’re going to have to Internet date.” So this is what it’s come to? Internet dating will be added to the certainties of death and taxes?

Now don’t get wrong. I love my crazy little life. I am fully complete without a better half. I would also be perfectly content if I stayed away from the dating game for good. But, every now and then – especially around holidays or whenever I see a Norman Rockwell painting – I tend to feel as though something maybe missing.

Read Full Post on Critics at Large

Our Worst for Our Best

I often ponder the strong differences between our public and personal selves. We have so many different sides. We share selected versions of ourselves to many people. To a select few we show everything.

Most people have the luxury of seeing our best selves. Those who work with us, clients, acquaintances, even the friends we brunch with. These lucky people usually only see our polished selves. We're always happy and upbeat around them, even if we're not. We usually make a point to keep in touch with these people. We also bite our tongues if we encounter any irritating indivduals in the bunch.

Interestingly, it’s our very important people, those who matter the most, at the top of our relationship hierarchy, however, whom we show our worst side to. It's strange how we are so quick to snap at our children, best friends, or significant others after a long day. We'd never dare do such a thing to a colleague.

Why? Because they forgive us. We're so lucky to have them. (But we shouldn't forget to let them know how much they are appreciated.)

Image from Image Quotes

Books: The History of Love

My favourite passage from Nicole Krauss' A History of Love. A book that made me happy and sad at the same time.

("If I had a camera," I said, "I'd take a picture of you every day. That way I'd remember how you looked every single day of your life." "I look exactly the same." "No, you don't. You're changing all the time. Every day a tiny bit. If I could, I'd keep a record of it all." "If you're so smart, how did I change today?" [...] "You got a little happier and also a little sadder." "Meaning they cancel each other out, leaving me exactly the same." "Not at all. The fact that you got a little happier today doesn't change the fact that you also became a little sadder. Every day you become a little more of both, with means that right now, at this exact moment, you're the happiest and the saddest you've ever been in your whole life." [...] "What about you? Are you the happiest and saddest right now that you've ever been?" "Of course I am." "Why?" "Because nothing makes me happier and nothing makes me sadder than you.")

Image from There's Hope for All of Us

Anatomy of a Librarian

A really interesting Daily Infographic article on librarian demographics. Found via Kimberly Silk, the digital media librarian extraordinaire.

(Although I am curious as to why the doughnut graphs do not add up to 100. Yikes!)

Public Speaking Follow-Up

Our annual general meeting was a great success. We had a poetry slam after the meeting. I had never been to one. The poets were amazing!

The speech went alright too. After making poor Carla stay up past midnight as I practiced in front of her on FaceTime, and after dragging my poor colleague into a board room to practice on her the next day, I was well rehearsed. There advice to "speak from the heart" was really effective. Thank you.

Also thanks to my friend and colleague Mark who gave hilarious advice: "Don't be nervous! I mean how many painfully boring speakers have you sat through? If you're even remotely interesting, it will be a success."

Here's me lowering the mic about a foot. (Even though the previous speaker was only 5'7.)

Thanks to the amazing and talented photographer Stephen Spoon for documenting the evening. 

A Very Sticky Post-it

So true. Kind of like a recurring rash. (But a nice rash.) 

Image from Saying Images.

Adventures in Footwear

I fall down a lot. Literally. At least once a month, as I'm minding my own business and walking along quite eloquently, I find myself on the ground. And I seem to be as committed to these tumbles as I am everything else. These aren't trips. These are purse flying, shoe losing, lay downs. The setting is usually in a busy food court, occupied hallway at work, or the middle of a downtown intersection at rush hour. (And never a white knight in sight.)

Now you maybe assuming this is happening because I'm wearing a pair of largely impractical 4-inch stilettos. Quite the contrary. These spills only happen in flats. In fact, last night, on my way to an important shin dig, I opted to take the quicker way down the subway stairs...by falling down them. (This is VERY confidence inspiring.) Alas, I am not wearing the stilettos I had chosen for the evening, they are tucked away in my bag. Ballet flats were the culprits.

I'm concluding with this. I have a theory about sensible shoes: they inspire false sense of confidence. I'm plan on being as ridiculous as possible from now on. (Just watch out for those sewer grates.)

Image borrowed from the Bitchy Librarian. 

Inspiration

This quote was so encouraging, and so true, that I had to share it. "One day, in retrospect, the years of struggle will strike you as the most beautiful." -Sigmund Freud

Image from Apartment 34.

Enjoy your day and your struggles!

Public Speaking & Finding Your Voice

So, I’m a little nervous (okay I’m VERY nervous, borderline freaking out) about some public speaking that I have to do this week. On Wednesday evening, I’m giving a speech in front of some of the most notable colleagues of mine. It’s important that I infuse the room with confidence and inspiration.

When it comes to public speaking, interviewing, publishing articles, or even tweeting, we need to take such great care. Not only do we want to seem professional, we also want to make an impact. The best advice I’ve been given in the past is, just be yourself.

This seems so simple. Yet, how does one master the balancing act of being genuine and professional?

When I speak and write, I find it helpful to pretend that I am just talking to someone I’m really comfortable with, someone who likes me unconditionally, like a best friend. This keeps things genuine. At the same time, I also pretend that a mentor, or a favourite boss, could also be listening, which keeps me in line.  

For some extra-seasoned advice,  toastmasters has some tips.

Wish me luck.

Yours Truly, being herself. 

Children's Books

When it comes to children's literature, there are so many classics to choose from. I've been collecting favourites such as Robert Munsch, Shel Silverstein, Dr. Seuss, and even Edward Gorey (yes I'm a little sadistic) for Alex since before she was born.

In my browsing, and through gifting, I came up with some contemporaries that are also keepers.

It's a Book 

This picture book by Lane Smith follows the discussion between a laptop using jack ass (book's term not mine) and a monkey trying to read a book. It's really humurous and an excellent pick if you are beginning to think that your little one may download apps faster than they can turn a page.

What were your favourite books as a child?

Being a New Information Professional

My colleague, the Socialite Librarian, recently wrote a post on her blog on why employers should take a chance on a young hire. In her very positive piece she makes strong points on how a corporation can stay young by hiring young!

While the tone was inspiring, the post reminded me of the unfair stereotypes that are applied to the young, for simply being young.

Over the years numerous graduate students and new information professionals have spoken to me about their struggles trying to break into the market, without experience.

Trust me. I’ve been there.

Not only have I been the newbie trying to break into the market, when I did break in, I became the rookie trying to prove herself.

One event of reverse age discrimination came early in my career. A client walks into my library, obviously anxious about something. I ask if I can help him, but he says “no, not an intern, no thank you”. While I try to tell him I’m a real librarian, he finds the administrative assistant (older than me) and asks her if she can help him. She tells him the librarian can help him, re-directing him to me. He looks at me again and shakes his head. Rather than have me help him, he opts to pace and sigh while he waits for another librarian. Finally one of my established colleagues comes in. I eavesdrop on this (not-for-the-ears-of-the-young) reference question, where he relays his quite simple request. I get up and retrieve the item off the shelf he is looking for, and hand it to him.

Sadly, my struggles of not being taken seriously are far from over. Since I’m petite and still have dimples (not implanted dimples either…they’re real and they’re fabulous) people still assume I’m much younger than I am. Hence, assume that I have no idea what I’m talking about. 

Not everyone realizes the potential, determination, and fresh ideas possessed by young professionals. During these encounters, we need to just grin and bear it. (On the bright side, this could give us more frown lines, hence making us appear experienced.)

My (not-so-seasoned) advice to new librarians:

Stay positive: So much is about attitude. It will keep you going when times get tough. It will also make others want to be around you and perhaps want to hire you. I’ve also regretted the times when I let that chip on my shoulder show. If I just stayed positive, I would have been able to focus on showing people that I’m capable.

Get experience: Before I even entered the work force I worked INSAINELY hard. My university days – and nights – were filled with not just classes and research, but volunteering, joining associations, student council, and part-time jobs.

Don’t take my last piece of advice to the extreme: While my work did pay off, sometimes I feel as though I missed out on actually being young. I wonder if life would have been a little more enjoyable by, I don’t know, attending a party?

Speak up: Keep talking and keep your ideas flowing. Someone will notice your ideas.

Be tenacious: Keep speaking up. Don’t assume that if nobody notices that you have ideas within the first few days that they never will. Somebody will be smart enough to notice.

Remember it will be okay: Because it will be okay. 

Photo by Marisa

Sad Songs Say So Much

Dear people in my computer,

I’ve been feeling a little sad lately. A little heartache combined with life’s disparaging obstacles, have me feeling a little blue. Naturally I indulge in some sad music. What are your favourite sad songs?

Below are my top five sad songs:

1. Jeff Buckley’s Lover You Should Have Come Over is saturated with longing. The lyrics are haunted with regret and inner struggles: “sometimes a man gets carried away / When he feels he should be having his fun / Much to blind to see the damage he’s done / Sometimes a man must awake / To find he has no one.” If the words don’t get to you, Buckley’s desperate delivery will.

2. Nobody captures the lows of vagabonds like Tom Waits, which brings me to Tom Traubert's Blues. “A battered old suitcase / To a hotel someplace / And a wound that will never heal ”. Tom Traubert’s Blues is always the song I end up listening to when I’m traveling alone and start to feel the isolation. Themes of feeling alone or like you don’t belong.

3. Then there is the king of the sad bastard song, Ryan Adams. He has so many sad tunes that I love. Come Pick Me Up perfectly articulates confusion in a relationship.

4. Nick Cave and the Bad Seeds' People Ain't No Good really sums up how it feels to completely lose faith in people.

5. I also really like to listent to the Beatles’ Across the Universe when I’m sad. While the song is not particularly heart breaking, the writer, John Lennon, is obviously sorting through a lot of complicated emotions. Rufus Wainwright’s  and Fiona Apple’s versions are both so different, but so beautiful.

Wow. That's a lot of sadness. But, things usually turn around. Here are some wonderful words of wisdom I was once told: "Everything's always okay in the end. If it's not okay. It's not the end." So in anticipation of that moment...

Art work by Tummy Mountain.

Annie Hall

Life can get pretty depressing. But there are always those who can find the humour in the most depressing moments.

Which leads me to Woody Allen. I love his neurotic romances, especially the classic Annie Hall (1977).

In this movie, the successful, yet very insecure, comedian Alvy Singer (played by Allen) recalls his romance with Annie Hall. The twice-divorced, unlucky in love New Yorker, falls in love with a naïve Midwestern born singer Annie Hall (played by Diane Keaton).

Their relationship is doomed from the start, mainly due to Alvy’s self-absorbed neurosis, but they cautiously connect anyway. As the relationship evolves Annie become more successful, which strengthens Alvy’s insecurities. While it’s a sad and frustrating analysis of life an love, but so witty and hilarious, that you even forget about your own neurosis. 

Here are a few of my favourite moments:

Alvy recalls his non-existent latency period. He also wonders what his former classmates are doing now. (Obviously before Facebook.)

Alvy - and Marshall McLuhan – puts a pretentious movie critic in his place. “You know nothing of my work.”

Adorable subtitles of what Alvy and Annie are thinking during one of their first conversation. What’s really going on in your head when talking to the object of your affection?  

Be thankful that you’re miserable.

Image borrowed from IMDB.